The word I hate the most

I  have been doing a lot of thinking the last few weeks. And I have decided the word I hate more than anything is.....


JUST


It's weird right??? Probably not what you were thinking. Let me explain why for a minute. 

All through my life,this word has been used to define me one way or another. Here are a few examples.
  • Just a girl
  • Just a preschool teacher (Do you ever want to be a real teacher or is this it?")
  • Just an aide
  • Just have a bachelors degree.
  • Just an HDFS student
  • Just a babysitter/nanny
  • I just lost 35 pounds
  • I just ran a 5k
  • I just did a sprint triathlon
  • I just came in dead last
  • Just an average student
I could keep going but I Think you get the point. I recently started tutoring and I love it. One reason is because I have people (parents) who are looking to me for help and they ask me for advice and treat me like I am educated and for the most part. I have not gotten that before.

I have heard people say to just ignore it and not listen to those things that are said, but when you hear it over and over again,how can you not start to internalize it?

I am looking at going back to school and for the life of me cannot decide on what to go to school for and I think a big part of that is this internal battle I have of needing to prove something, (as in I'm not just __________) but also being scared that I'm not smart enough. All the things I have come up with require a big test before I can even apply and that fact alone sends me running the other direction. 

It makes me really sad that there are so many jobs out there that have this connotation of being "less than worthy". I don't have the answer of how to fix this though. Sadly,our world does not have equality and I don't know that it ever will.  And until that happens, I feel like there is going to bet his weird dynamic where people do things to try to prove a point, show status, etc. 

I am trying to improve how I see myself because I know it could be much better. Blocking out the naysayers is hard work, but I'm trying every day. 

Do you hate the word just? What's the word that brings you down? Do you like your job? Are you proud to tell people what you do or do you dread when they ask?

Happy Friday eve friends!!!


Disclaimer: I wrote this on an iPad. My computer died 4 months ago and I can't afford a new one so i am using dans old iPad. Please forgive any typos and lack of pretty things.

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