Injuries are NOT good for my mental health

I mentioned in my last post how I was kind of burned out on the gym since my 11 day streak, so I won't really discuss that much. All I have to say is not much has changed in that department....

But I did force myself to go to the gym. So that's good. Well, in theory. 

2 weeks ago I was doing a workout I found on pinterest. 

This one to be exact!

Right as I posted this, I noticed the disclaimer on there. Now, I've never really thought of myself as someone who had knee problems. But I do now. 

Now, I've done this workout a handful of times and it's been okay. Although, my lovely glutes have NEVER been sore following them so I'm not sure it really does what I want it to. Anyway, I digress. 

Upon completing this one 2 weeks ago my knees kind of hurt, which I thought was weird but not a big deal. The next time i worked out and tried to run my knees kind of hurt and when I was in aqua boot camp and we were doing a flutter kick I felt it in my knees which was weird. I was taking it easy at the gym (when I did go, and let's face it that wasn't much because I was mad at the gym for smothering me) but this was weird. 

So last Sunday I said "Okay, we're starting today. We're gonna go hard, get back into our routine whether we like it or NOT!" I'm such a toughie. As always, day 1 is leg day. I figured with the slight knee pain, my intense leg day was probably not in my best interest (90 walking lunges, 3 minutes mountain climbers, 3 minutes wall sits, 34 laying leg curls, 45 squat jumps, 300 jumping jacks, scissors and bicycles) so I opted for my "easy" leg day. 

As I was doing leg presses I thought "wow this is really easy, maybe I should up the weight." My usual is 75-80 pounds. I upped it to 115. It was more just to see if I could. I really didn't think I'd even be able to move it and hey guess what? I could! And I still didn't think it was that hard. I was pretty stoked about it. I do recall being in a really bad mood that day. I'd attended a memorial service the day before and it was a pretty emotional day for me and I still wasn't quite back to the happy me. And let's face it... I still really didn't want to be at the gym. 

Monday, my right knee was hurting pretty bad. After a long day at work, I spent the evening icing it. Tuesday it was both knees. Wednesday it was back to only the right. I had really intended on going to hip hop and just suffering through the pain that night, but it happened to be cancelled because of the weather. Probably for the better. Thursday, though I was in quite a bit of pain I told myself to go to aqua boot camp. I sat in the hot tub for quite a while before class and told my instructor about my knees and said that I may not last all of class. I started out taking it easy and made it through all of class with pretty minimal pain.... Until I got home and it hurt REALLY BAD. I iced it like usual. Friday I woke up and it was reallllly painful. And this is when I started to get worried. 

When I was young (somewhere from 8-10 years old), my mom's knees randomly swelled up to the size of grapefruits. She couldn't walk. And no one could figure out what was wrong. For a very long time. They finally diagnosed her with HLA b27 (ankylosing spondilitis). It's a form of arthritis that is hereditary.... and the highest percentage of people who have it? ESKIMOS. Hey guess what, we're not eskimos. Since I was pretty young, I named it Eskimo Arthritis and have called it that ever since. I've always been really scared that I would inherit this, which is a large reason I didn't run for most of my life. So as my knees hurt I'm starting to really fear this. 

It's probably pretty unlikely that is what has happened. But SOMETHING is wrong with my knees. It hurts to walk, it hurts to stand. My knee freaking hurts!And it doesn't seem to be getting better. 

I spoke with my lovely trainer about it and she gave me some great ideas. Ice/heat for 10 mintues. Start taking Glucosamine Chondroitin (but it'll probably take about a month for it to really start working with my system)

New supplement for my joints. Probably good for my hip too

I'm also taking ibuprofen for the pain. Gotta call my chiropractor to make sure my knee isn't out of alignment. And as far as working out...for now I get to bike. And stretch. 

I am not a big fan of biking. Why? Because it doesn't burn nearly as many calories as the treadmill or elliptical do. Even when I do random hill. It's pretty pathetic. 

So I was excited and this morning I went to the gym. Knee was pretty sore (it's mostly my right one. left sometimes, but mostly the right) and it hurt pretty bad while I was riding, and I was going pretty slow. So slow in fact, the bike kept saying "paused" and that annoyed me. But I managed to do that for 30 minutes. Funny thing is I felt SO pathetic. And I felt like everyone at the gym was looking at me and judging me. Thinking "wow, that girl isn't going to get anywhere like that." I feel like I should have a shirt that says "in rehab." or something like that. Although I have a feeling the look of sheer pain on my face probably said it all. 

So basically... I can't work out right now. Which sucks. I was reading my Fitness magazine while I was suffering on the bike and there's a section about training for a triathlon and it made me so sad because I feel like my ultimate goal is never going to happen. :( And after I was finished working out, I had a message from Team In Training wanting to get me signed up to join them... for a tri. So that sucks. Also, I wanted to do my personal training session with the TRX on my birthday (in exactly one month) and now I'm scared THAT won't happen. 

I'm feeling very discouraged. And terrified. That I'm going to gain weight again. That is, hands down, my BIGGEST fear in life. Since I'm pretty incapacitated right now I'm going to have to really focus on eating super healthy and STAYING AWAY FROM SUGAR!!! (For some reason this has been realllllly hard lately)

Since I'm trying to stay off my knee, I didn't really food prep. I didn't want to do a big grocery shopping and didn't have a meal in mind, but I did get a few things. It's kind of a weird combination. 

1. Chicken breasts

2. Quinoa and Brown Rice

3. Yogurt (as always)

4. Strawberries

5. I have 1 apple left over from last week

6. Cantaloupe

7. Broccoli

So, I've kinda been slacking on the fruits and veggies lately so I'm trying to fix that. And I really need to work on drinking lots of water. I've been failing with that too. I need an alarm to go off once an hour that makes sure I'm drinking lots. 

Since I haven't been working out like I should. And I haven't been eating as great as I could (seriously, I'm a TERRIBLE example) it's gone to my head and I've been feeling fat lately. Now this happens fairly often. And usually all it takes is 1 workout to rectify that. But guess what? I CAN'T DO THAT! So I'm trying my best to make good healthy decisions and tell myself that it's just in my head, it's not the truth. 

So bare with me friends as I deal with this injury. I have a feeling this may be a long recovery which does not make me happy as race season approaches. :( But, I WILL overcome it. And I WILL meet my goal weight (which usually isn't that far off. 3-7 lbs) and I WILL get back to where I was. 

Trying to stay optimistic. 

Also, I decided to try tilapia this week and was talking to my mom about it who said to get wild caught and not farm raised. Guess what is IMPOSSIBLE to find?! I did some research and Whole Foods has a farm raised, but "responsibly" tilapia so I'll be getting that tomorrow after work and testing out this recipe. :) 

Make great choices, friends. Better than the ones I've been making lately!

XOXO

~Jessica