Monday, March 13, 2017

One year......

So today marks one year since my last day working for a church.

One year ago, I left the church and honestly..... have barely set foot in a church since. I went to my mom's church (the church in which I grew up) a few times (Palm Sunday, Easter, once in the summer and Christmas Eve) but other than that this girl has been a non-church-goer.

To be honest, what I went through a year ago has kind of left me bitter and scarred when it comes to the church. It left me with a really bad taste in my mouth. As time passed, people who told me would keep in touch didn't and I even got to hear first hand some people saying some really ugly things about me... As if the transition wasn't hard enough. It wasn't all bad though. I have a handful of people who have remained faithful and supportive friends throughout the last year.

Oh yea... and in the last year I moved to California. :) In July, I packed up all my stuff in a Penske truck that Dan got to drive from Colorado to California (And he loved it so much) and I drove my Camry. So while my heart has been trying to deal with what happened, I got a nice change of scenery.

Seriously... a change in scenery. I live in wine country

There have been many times when I have thought how nice it would be to find a church out here, when I think of doing it my stomach starts churning in knots. It's tough because it's how I was raised- I went to church every Sunday and a part of me feels like I should and that if I don't, my grandpa (among other family members) are going to be disappointed in me. But then there's also the part of me that doesn't want to face it. I don't want to meet those people who will be nice to my face but then talk about me when they think I can't hear. I would rather spend my Sundays with Dan (or the reality: babysitting, grocery shopping and food prepping).

I recently decided with Lent approaching, I should probably start trying to find a place. So I did what every millennial does.... and I went to a couple local groups on Facebook and asked for recommendations. From there I did a little online research and found a Methodist Church in the next town over (about a 15 minute drive) and I went to their Ash Wednesday service. The church was tiny. To give you an idea.... they had a combined service with the Korean church they share the building with and there were about 40 people there.... and 10 were in the choir. I stuck out like a sore thumb.... But people were nice. They smiled at me, and greeted me during the greeting time, the pastor gave me a welcome packet. They acknowledged me but they didn't all surround me like crows surround a carcass. It felt like they saw me as a person, not as a possible member (Read: Money). And that was really nice. I haven't been back yet. Last Sunday we had to make an impromptu trip to Ikea and this weekend Dan's mom was in town. (I figured it probably wouldn't be the best ideas to approach the two Jews and say "hey! Wanna go to church??") I want to go to a service on Easter morning. I believe that church is having a sunrise service on the beach. So that sounds absolutely dreadful. We might go to that one, but I am still exploring what is out there.

It's weird that it has been a year. So much has changed in the last year. But you know, as my mom said when we first started going through all this, it really has been for the better. Even with all the heartache of losing friends and being told that your best isn't good enough, it shows you who is there for you 100%. And though I may not have as much money, I have more time to enjoy life. And isn't that the whole point of life?

These are the faces of two people happy to not be doing long distance anymore!

Will I ever be the girl I used to be who would go to church every Sunday? I'm not sure. I would like to find a place that I can call "home" so I can go when I want to, potentially not every weekend. We will see if I ever find it. If not, it's not really a big deal I suppose. There are other ways to meet that spiritual need.

1 comment:

  1. You are an amazing woman and a very strong person! God has great plans for you! Just remember that we are all sinners and the church is filled with sinful people. Yes God gave you a new heart when you came to him and he makes us new but it can take time and everyone is on a different time frame in that journey so don't let one church deter you from worshipping the Lord. It's hard I know people can be so cruel I've experienced it too. Yes it shouldn't be that way...But people are going to disappoint you but that's not the only reason you go to church. You go for the Lord and to bless others. And I'm sure you a blessed so many others in your last church. Sometimes bad things happen and we don't understand it at the time but you are a great person who will find where you need to be with the help of the Lord. Remember some people are more like Christ and others are just beginning the journey. We all make mistakes. You will find your place:)