Tuesday, January 27, 2015

GriefShare Week 1

Have you ever heard of GriefShare?

I never had until my counselor told me about it a few months back. The best way to describe it is it's like an AA meeting for people dealing with grief. When I first heard about it, I looked into it but all the sessions were nearing the end.... And while they say you can start at any time, I'm slightly OCD and needed to start at week 1. So I waited it out and started tonight.

One of the rules of GriefShare is that what we talk about stays there, so I will not be blogging about what other people say. More my reaction to what is said. Each week we will watch a video and have a discussion. During the week I have 5 different days of exercises to do in my workbook.

One thing I've really struggled with in most of my depression and grief work is my relationship. As I deal with the losses of Cassandra and my grandpa, I feel like other people think I shouldn't still be focused on them. In the books I've read and the people I've met and those in the video we watched all their losses were closer: child, parent, spouse. Not grandparent or friend. And that makes me feel like people are judging me and thinking "why aren't you over it yet? It was just your grandpa or just your friend."

Okay, so logically I know this is mostly NOT the case... But it definitely made me refrain from really speaking in session 1 tonight. But I also tend to be kind of a shy girl to begin with. So I guess we'll just see what happens in the next 13 weeks.

I took a few notes during the movie and here is what spoke to me:
*Grief affects our ENTIRE person.

*Grief is a good thing. It is a sign of love. The only way to avoid grief is to never love.

  • This actually makes me laugh because on more than one occasion, when I've seen people lose a spouse I've thought that I can't imagine that and it makes me want to withdraw.

*You don't need to be strong-- you need to be human.

  • I actually was just saying last week that I'm tired of being strong. Maybe this is a sign I need to just stop and let the feelings come. 

*If you say you're fine, people won't come around.

  • This is something I definitely struggle with. I am known for masking what I'm really feeling, telling people I'm fine yet feeling alone all at the same time. I ened to start being more honest and open with people. 

*Lean into grief-- Let go of not letting people see me grieve.

  • Crying in front of other people is just NOT an option for me. I've only cried in front of my counselor once. I don't even know the reason behind my extreme dislike of crying in front of others. Maybe it's because then I don't appear "strong". Maybe I just don't want other people to feel uncomfortable. But apparently it's not healthy. Hmmm...

It will be interesting to see where the next 13 weeks take me. If nothing else, it will at least be nice to go through the process with other people who get what I'm going through.

And maybe in the next 13 weeks I'll actually find my energy back.... Maybe, just maybe...

To better days

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