A Life Of Gymspiration

Check out all these delicious treats! Let's take a break from all the depression talk and let's talk food! I haven't done Foodie Pen Pals in quite some time and I thought this could be a good opportunity during this season in my life to have some food while my energy is low. This month I was matched up with Jen over at  The Happy Healthy Balance  and boy, did she spoil me! Most of the things she sent me were from Trader Joe's which made me laugh. The closest Trader Joe's is 36 miles away. Sad face. But my family has had an obsession with that store for years. My brother first introduced it to us when he lived in St Louis (I think) and since then we always get TJ food for Christmas, birthdays, what have you. Good thing they have them in LA. Come on Fort Collins, catch up! If anyone asked me I would say I am not a picky eater. As it turns out, when other people pick out my food, my pickiness tends to come out. A lot of the stuff Jen sent me is not stuff I ...

So today was Youth Sunday. And somehow during the day I decided to do a little recount of how this all went down... Back in April, I was getting ready one Thursday evening for a retreat I was going on the next day with my middle schoolers. I realized I put my iPod through the washer for the SECOND TIME (Nanos are too small) and in my meltdown, I texted my mom something dramatic like "My stress is so high. I can't handle anything!" She then responded with "me too. Your grandpa is in the hospital. Headed there now. Text you later." In the coming hours I was told that he was not in good shape, would probably make it to Saturday. I was also told I needed to come down to see him to say goodbye. The nurses would take him off his sedatives while I did that. I sat on my bed and sobbed. Sobbed because I didn't even know HOW to say goodbye. But also because this was the realization that my grandpa would never officiate my wedding. Something I dreamed of for most...

I haven't written in a while. Partially because I've been crazy busy. Partially because I haven't been motivated to do so. Last week's counseling session came with more homework. wee! So.... in my last post, I mentioned how I needed help and a huge thank you to those who offered. I also need to work on ASKING for help. I experienced a lot of frustration with people, who I thought should know what to do. It turns out people aren't mind readers so I need to work on voicing what I need. I did number 2. Contacted a friend, we did dinner one night and worked out one night. Good to be around people again, but I'm still not myself and I get this horrible feeling of guilt for that and I feel the need to apologize to everyone for not being fun Jessica. One reason I tend NOT to ask for help is because I feel like a burden. I don't want to stress anyone out. Apparently most of this thought is not true so I need to cut that out. Last week there was a big mix ...

This last week was ROUGH. That actually might be an understatement. I experienced days of complete sadness. Monday I didn't even get out of bed until about noon and the rest of the day was mostly spent lying around the house. I started my memory book.... which originally I thought I'd be able to complete in one sitting. Definitely not. I did one page and it was emotionally taxing. It's going to be a long process. Page 1 Luckily I didn't have to work on Monday, but it did make me sad that so many people were out enjoying the beautiful weather and I was stuck inside, just not feeling like doing anything. Tuesday I had to work, but it was more of the same. I ended up reaching out to an old friend who I knew had battled depression for a long time. It was good to catch up with him and it was good to talk to someone who really understands. Experiencing it firsthand makes me sad that I wasn't there for him more. Wednesday was probably the better of those days, tho...