A Life Of Gymspiration

I  have been doing a lot of thinking the last few weeks. And I have decided the word I hate more than anything is..... JUST It's weird right??? Probably not what you were thinking. Let me explain why for a minute.  All through my life,this word has been used to define me one way or another. Here are a few examples. Just a girl Just a preschool teacher (Do you ever want to be a real teacher or is this it?") Just an aide Just have a bachelors degree. Just an HDFS student Just a babysitter/nanny I just lost 35 pounds I just ran a 5k I just did a sprint triathlon I just came in dead last Just an average student I could keep going but I Think you get the point. I recently started tutoring and I love it. One reason is because I have people (parents) who are looking to me for help and they ask me for advice and treat me like I am educated and for the most part. I have not gotten that before. I have heard people say to just ignore it and not listen to

So today marks one year since my last day working for a church. One year ago, I left the church and honestly..... have barely set foot in a church since. I went to my mom's church (the church in which I grew up) a few times (Palm Sunday, Easter, once in the summer and Christmas Eve) but other than that this girl has been a non-church-goer. To be honest, what I went through a year ago has kind of left me bitter and scarred when it comes to the church. It left me with a really bad taste in my mouth. As time passed, people who told me would keep in touch didn't and I even got to hear first hand some people saying some really ugly things about me... As if the transition wasn't hard enough. It wasn't all bad though. I have a handful of people who have remained faithful and supportive friends throughout the last year. Oh yea... and in the last year I moved to California. :) In July, I packed up all my stuff in a Penske truck that Dan got to drive from Colorado to Cali

Well apparently I haven't blogged in about 6 months. And a whole lot has happened in those 6 months. 6 months ago my life looked like this: Working part time teaching preschool. Evenings and Weekends doing work for my job at the church as the Director of Education and Youth. 50-60 hour work weeks, most of them without a day off. Dealing with a long distance relationship. Battling depression. Trying really hard to keep my head above water as best I could. Let's just say my life doesn't exactly look like that these days. Back in February, I was walking down the hall of the church when my "boss" came up to me and said "Your life group is going to meet at this time... and next Saturday I am going to take you out for dinner!" The exchange was so quick that I didn't really have time to respond or think about things. A part of me had a feeling that something was awry, but I told myself to calm down and not stress for a week.... We would cross that bri

I have been slacking on blogging. Probably because most nights I work until about midnight and don't even have time to journal.... But today I feel the need to write. The last couple months have been interesting to say the least. If you read my last post, you remember that I had just started seeing a personal trainer. To say the least, I was not her biggest fan. I am finished training with her and despite her trying really hard, I am "on my own". I still really struggle with getting to the gym though. I really need to work on that. However I did lose a pound in the last week so that's progress.... Back in September, Dan and I met up in Las Vegas (NO WE DID NOT GET MARRIED) to go to a wedding of a friend of mine. We had a wonderful time there and it was great to have some time for just the two of us. I had been on a GREAT streak of my fitness... I'd worked out 6 days in a row (which hasn't happened in over a year).... And then I came down with the st

There have been a few "One Year" anniversaries since I have blogged. There was the one year anniversary of Grandpa's death back in June. I started writing a blog entry about that, but never finished it... But most recently was the one year since being diagnosed with depression. With it being a year down this road, it has made me evaluate where I was and where I am now. I have made A LOT of progress, but I still don't feel like I am where I need to be. I am still on meds and still have days when I struggle. Still, for the most part I can function. Dan was here for 7 weeks this summer and it was wonderful. On the flip side, though... When he had to go back to California I was a complete wreck. Initially I told myself that when he left I was going to get a ton of stuff done (like housework and errands), but when he left all I could do was lay in bed and cry. (I was able to go to work, but cried there too). I should have been productive that Saturday but all I did was

It's been quite a while since I have blogged. A little over a month ago I made an appointment with my doctor to re-evaluate my meds. I had felt like things weren't getting better and I'd hit some situational things and we decided perhaps I needed to increase my meds. So we did. Increased the Zoloft to 75 mg a day and also decided to revisit in about a month and if things were not better to add in Welbutrin. Zoloft is a stabilizer and Welbutrin is more of an "upper". My life lately has been slightly out of control. In the words of my mother, I just can't seem to catch a break. :( My stress level has been through the roof and it seems like everything just keeps going wrong and I'm getting overwhelmed and frustrated with life in general. But things aren't all that bad. I took a short (4 day) vacation to California which was WONDERFUL. It seems, though, that as wonderful as that trip was ever since I got back I'm just as (if not more) overwhelmed